|you can't just leave me here...
||[Mar. 3rd, 2005|10:33 pm]
im sitting here staring at a computer bawling my eyes out. nobody really knows why and i dont want to talk about it but just wow. man life is so precious. i feel helpless and i cant stand that feeling. like when i had just moved to simsbury and i watched Luke (my dog) get hit and run over by a fuel truck, and couldnt do anything, i wouldnt wish that on anyone, i really wouldnt, its the most horrific heart breaking thing ever. i havent cried like this in soo long. wow now that i think of it, its almost exactly two years since luke died that was like the worst day of my life. im listening to my immortal right now and it just makes me think of Will's wake, that was soo fucking sad. i think that that was the most recent time i have cried like i am now, because i got out of the wake and called my brother bc he came so close to being will and i just broke down. man i could really use some good friends right now, i really need a shoulder to cry on. man, i wish i hadnt fucked things up so bad with brooke, some1 help me. please.
i saw the grudge yesterday at sarah's. it was scary and im tweaked by it, but its not real, whats on my mind now is real. reality wow. "The world is a playhouse"-inscribed at the globe theater in Latin, but it truely means that our lives are but plays, and drama is real, thats so true, im freaking out. i need a friend so bad right now, one to just listen, even to just listen to me cry and give me a hug.
only good thing-slipknot tomorrow. but that really doesnt help me right now. ohhh god, i feel helpless, make it stop.